Ryan Harbert
Rows of young plants in a field beneath low fog and a clear blue sky.

Ryan Harbert — Focusing and deep listening

I work online with men who are struggling with something they haven’t been able to change or resolve. I’m especially interested in people who have already tried quite a lot, and who may be tired of approaching themselves as another problem to solve.

It might involve anxiety, depression, a relationship that keeps reaching the same difficult place, pornography or compulsive sexual behavior, or something harder to name.

More about working together

A different kind of attention

Most of us meet a difficult part of ourselves by trying to understand it, manage it, change it, or get rid of it.

I’m interested in what happens when, for a little while, we do something else. We listen.

I don’t diagnose you, and I don’t begin by telling you what to do. My part is to listen closely and help you stay with what needs your attention, at a pace that feels workable.

A small yellow mushroom among green shoots and fallen leaves.

Felt sensing

Focusing begins with the felt, bodily sense of a situation, including what we do not yet have words for. We slow down and give that sense a little room.

A word, an image, or something we hadn’t noticed may come forward. What changes, and when, cannot be prescribed in advance.

Not another way to fix yourself

Wanting something to change matters. So does the effort you have already made.

We can care about what you want to change without making another demand of the part of you that is struggling. This work begins with listening to what is actually there.

Working together

We meet online. You don’t have to know what Focusing is, or arrive with a clear account of what is wrong. We can begin with what is there.

The first session is free, so we can find out whether this way of working feels useful to you. After that, you choose your fee from suggested amounts.

Learn more about sessions
A river bordered by rounded stones and pine trees, with small arrangements of stones along the bank.

Writing

A place for what I am noticing, wondering about, and learning. Some pieces will be practical. Others may begin with a small detail and see where it leads.

I want each piece to be worth reading even if you never book a session.

Visit the writing page